Hey, Mom or Dad – Are You Raising Kids In The Ghetto?
Are you concerned for their education and future?
If so, then you need to be reading them these three books, written and illustrated by author Lampish Fitt, a former pimp who now dedicates his time to charitable causes.
“My goal in writing these books,” says Mr. Fitt, “was to introduce ghetto children to positive life values that they can learn from negative ghetto experiences—even if they have to live the negative before they get to the positive. Experience is the teacher, i always say, whether he’s nice or a sonofabitch.”
To date Mr. Fitt has written over sixty picture books teaching positive lessons to ghetto children, drawing the lessons directly from the ghettos they live in.
“The genius of these books,” says educational expert Lashanqua Trebo, “is their enculturation. Children who live in the ghetto are not like children growing up in a safe urban, suburban, or rural environment—black or white, it don’t matter. Their lives are full of pain and difficulty, heartache, sorrow. They respond emotionally, cognitively, even spiritually, to the dire straits, to coin a phrase, of their situation.”
“It’s all good,” said Mr. Fitt when discussing which of his sixty plus books ghetto parents, living on fixed or poverty-level incomes, should purchase for their kids.
“If you press me,” says Mr. Fitt, “I’ll recommend three of my books as a great starting point for ghetto kids.”
A Selection Of Lampish Fitt Books, Selected By Lampish Fitt
Selection #1: A Simple Drive By
Our first selection, A Simple Drive-by, teaches youngsters the importance of planning ahead.
In this Brownhaus Award-winning tale, Deshawn and his mother, Shaniqua, discuss with Shaniqua’s potentially-gang-involved-but-difficult-to-prove-in-court boyfriend, Lemont, whose street name is Cray Dawg, the complexities involved in planning a successful drive-by shooting.
“I ain’t one to brag,” says Lemont, after they settle into the living room with a forty, “and I ain’t sayin’ i done none of this, but if you ask me, a drive-by is one helluva thing to get ready for.”
Deshawn is curious. He’s seen plenty of drive-bys and wonders what Lemont means.
Lemont details several items for consideration when planning a drive-by shooting.
“First,” says Lemont, “who’s your target, boy?” Lemont points out that you can spray bullets all over town, and you’ll have one helluva time doing it. But what’s the goal?
Second, Lemont says that if you want to succeed in a drive by shooting, you have to think about the car. Do you want a two door car or a four door? Should those doors slide open or fold open? What color should the car be? Who should drive? Where are you going to get the car? Should it be a stolen car? What about license plates? If you’re going to use the windows, do the back windows need to roll all the way down, or is halfway enough?
Next, Lemont asks Deshawn, “How you gonna get in and out?” Intersections, stop signs, stop lights, street cameras, school zones–all these come into play when arriving and departing, especially if you get caught. “Where you hit,” says Lemont, “figures how much time you get.”
Last, but not least, Lemont discusses weapon selection and the preparation of those weapons.
“Wow,” says deshawn after Lemont asks him what he thinks. “With planning like that, no wonder so many people are gettin’ their asses killed around here.”
“You damn straight,” says Lemont. “And it’s this kind of planning ahead that you can use in every area of your life, not just drive by shootings, to succeed. How do you think Barack Obama became president? He’s a smart mother fucker.”
Selection #2: Baby Daddy, Holla Back
Our next Lampish Fitt selection, Baby Daddy, Holla Back, shows how a drug-dealing baby daddy, named Darnell, provides financially for his baby mama, Latisha, and their eight year old daughter, Sho’abracadabra.
Our story begins Tuesday at eight o’clock at night. Darnell is heading out the door for work. He tells latisha not to wait up, and most importantly, not to worry.
“You know I’m bringin’ home what we need for health insurance and rent and food and gas,” he says.
“Aww, Darnell,” says Latisha, “you are such a good man. I’m gonna give you a fine booty call when you get back. Just don’t get yo’ ass capped like last time. Your motha-fuckin’ blood almost ruined my carpet. That shit was on close out.”
Darnell laughs. “Hell, baby, why you think we got health insurance?”
Darnell gives her a big kiss, slaps her ass, and heads out to the street.
Across the next several pages we see Darnell making responsible drug-dealing decisions:
- he avoids a potential buyer who appears to be an undercover police officer;
- he defends his territory against members from a rival gang by pistol whipping two of them then firing three shots in the air to scare them away, thus avoiding needless bloodshed;
- he returns the correct change to customers;
- he uses hand sanitizer to ensure that he doesn’t pick up any germs from his customers, nor pass on germs to any of his customers;
- he greets each regular customer by name and is always pleased to meet and chit-chat with a new customer;
- he receives customers of all races;
- and he always deals discreetly.
In the final pages of the story, the sun rises over East St. Louis. Darnell returns home to discuss the money he’s made.
“I’m so proud of you for working so hard for us, baby,” says Latisha.
The couple then plays the latest Snoop Dog album and has loud sex while Sho’abracadabra plays within earshot in the living room.
“It sure is great to have a mommy and daddy who love each other so much,” she has one of her dolls say to the other doll.
After sex the couple reemerges from the bedroom.
“Daddy,” says Sho-abracadabra, “you take such good care of us. You’re the best pharmacist ever. Dr. Daddy Darnell.”
“Aww,” says Darnell, lighting a Swisher Sweet cigar. “That’s sweet, just like this cigar. But just remember I’ll bust your fuckin’ ass if you tell anybody I’m practicing pharmacy with no license.”
“sure thing, daddy.”
“Now, get your ass up here, little girl.”
They hug then blow smoke rings together.
Selection #3: Beat A Path
Our third selection, Beat A Path, seeks to instill the virtue of perseverance in ghetto children.
A single mother in Chicago visits a state-sponsored food stamp agency no fewer than nine times, only to be rejected by a native Kenyan immigrant who works for the state relief agency.
While the single mother qualifies for food stamps and seeks to better her life through gainful employment, the Kenyan, who lived on food-stamps and welfare for eleven years before seeking employment—even though during this time no physical or mental handicap prevented her from working—cuts her off at every turn.
“We Kenyans are special,” she says after telling this story to the single mother.
The story takes place in the dead of a Chicago winter, the coldest on record, in which the woman is forced to return to the food stamp dispensary over and over, trudging through the snow, slipping on ice, being robbed at gunpoint, only to arrive to be ridiculed by the increasingly racist comments of the Kenyan who, it turns out, is opposed to the single mother because, as she tells her, “You aren’t real African, just African-American.”
That night the woman, after her ninth visit, almost despairs.
But lying on her twin bed, a cockroach hustles onto her pillow and whispers into her ear, “Don’t give up.”
That night, unknown to the single mother, the Kenyan gets off at the wrong L station, ends up in a bad neighborhood, is mugged and killed.
The following morning the single mother returns to the agency, only to be told about the death of Lucy, the Kenyan.
And then a miracle: the single mother is offered the Kenyan woman’s job because of her persistence.
“Persist and resist,” she tells her son that evening. “That’s the family way.”
What Are You Waiting For?
No matter your ghetto, and no matter how many ghetto children you have—whether you have to beg, borrow, or steal—just make sure, whatever you do, you get these three Lampish Fitt books on your shelf.
Find Lampish Fitt online and anywhere books are sold.
Because if it’s Lampish Fitt, it’s fit to read.
You finna read Fitt?
What are your favorite Lampish Fitt books? Holla back!
