Are you looking for a job? It’s your time to shine, because you are living in a job seeker’s paradise.
But look out, because job offer scams are everywhere.
What looks like the best job in the world might just leave you on the gray side of the fence.
Job Search Services Coordinator Gillian Bengillenthal says, “Jobs aren’t meant to be pretty or fun or easy. But that’s the kind of thing you get from the scammers who offer fake or dubious jobs to take advantage of you. If it’s pretty, fun, and easy, you can bet it’s a scam.”
We’ve compiled a list of twelve of the most insane and dastardly job scams to walk the earth.
With jobs cropping up faster than herpes on a porn set, scammers are ready to eat the unsuspecting alive. So be wary.
And stay ten steps–make that twelve steps–ahead of the scammers by being on the lookout for these 19 job offer scams.
Please note that, like Beethoven, scammers love to use variations on a theme. If your dream job looks, feels, smells, and tastes like one of these scams, be sure it is.
Here are the Top 19 Job Offer Scams Running Rampant in the United States
1 / Back Seat Scam
“You will be working out of the back seat of a 1990 low-rider Buick in East St. Louis.”
2 / Back Alley Scam
“Meet me in the alley behind the 7-11 where we met. Tonight at 10. And have the $200 in cash we need to run your background check.”
3 / Wrong Geography Scam
“You’re a perfect fit for our property manager position in our brand new desert hideaway resort just outside New Orleans.”
4 / Bring Your Own Uniform Scam
“We’re looking forward to having you join our on-the-fly automotive repair relocation team. The overnight shift really is a blast. We’d like you to begin training tonight. We’ll show you how to use this special key to get into the cars we are transporting to our shop to repair them. You will also receive a set of license plate numbers so you’ll know which cars need to be picked up. And remember to wear a black hoodie. Everybody has to be in a uniform.”
5 / Over The Counter Messenger Scam
“You’re getting in on the ground floor of the American Bank Message Service. You’ll be handing notes like this one to the cashier. While you’re waiting, place this bag on the counter, then wait for the follow-up team. Don’t read the note, as it’s strictly confidential, and the contents are protected by the Federal Government. We reimburse $.55 a mile.”
6 / Duffel Bag Scam
“It’s straightforward. Drive your car to the location we give, pick up the duffel bag, drive it back to the restaurant. Do not look in the bag. State regulations.”
7 / Loss Prevention Scam
“You’ll be testing the anti-shoplifting systems in various retail stores. Use the techniques we showed you to get anything of value out of the store, as much as you can. These companies want to see if their loss prevention teams are on the ball. Whatever you can get out of the store without getting caught you keep. If you get caught, no big deal, show them the special exemption license we gave you.”
8 / Inbound Telemarketing Scam
“This is a great inbound telemarketing opportunity. Just wait by this payphone. Answer it when it rings. The nice thing is that the clients know exactly what they want and all you have to do is follow their directions.”
9 / Gnome Rescue Scam
“Gnome Rescue Alabama couldn’t do it without your dedication. We’re pleased you’ve agreed to manage our new Appriopriate Placement Department. Placing stray and wayward gnomes in appropriate residential settings is crucial to their well-being. See you Monday morning!”
10 / DNA Scam
“It’s common for us to collect as much of your DNA as possible, then microchip you in case you get lost in the building. Over a thousand miles of hallways. You get lost, it’s the only way we’re gonna find you.”
11 / Median Ticket Scam
“Naw, man, you got this. You just walk up and down the median and hand out these tickets to the drivers and ask for cash donations. The cops drive by every so often to remind us it’s break time. You see them, just grab a seat on the bucket over there.”
12 / Moon Dust Scam
You’ll be teaching our clients how to succeed buying and selling on the volatile but lucrative moon dust market.
13 / Other Door Scam
“See, it’s not what you’re selling in the front of the store that matters. It’s what you’re selling out the back door that counts.”
14 / Celebrity Hair Scam
“It’s a cinch. Package the strands of Elvis’s hair like this, seal it like this, put the label on it like this, and out it goes to the customer. This is a serious collector’s item, so please handle it all with nitrile gloves.”
15 / Failed Scam Reboot Scam
“Welcome to Enron 2.0. New face, new name, same great service.”
16 / Insurance Up Front Scam
“Right. So before you start the job you pay us the $500 up front for your first month of major medical insurance. That way your health benefits start from day one and you don’t have to wait for the first pay cycle. We love our employees and are always looking out for them.”
17 Fully Furnished House Tour Scam
“You don’t even need a real estate license to sell these houses. They practically sell themselves. All you do is tour the house with the clients. The houses are fully furnished. They even come with family pictures, clothes, food–the works. There might even be pets. The houses will look lived in, but that’s part of the allure. People like to inhabit a comfortable space. Always ask for identification before letting anybody in. Use the crowbar I gave you if, say, the deadbolt sticks. Happens a lot. Adapt and overcome, right?”
18 / Sewer Seam Inspection Scam
“Just crawl into this cart, it’ll take you into the sewer so that you can begin the inspection of the concrete seams. Hand me your wallet. I’ll keep it in our lockers.”
19 / Babysitting Scam
“I know it looks like this guy is tied to the chair, but he’s a mental patient and very dangerous. These are restraints, not tape and handcuffs and zip ties. It’s all medical. We’re professionals in the mental health industry. It’s adult day care. We need you to watch him for a few days. If he gets out he could set off a nuclear winter. Like we said: psychiatrist’s work and wages, no degree required.”
The Last Gasp
While rushing headlong into dubious enterprise probably falls short of your aspirations, beware of others who will grift you for just that purpose.
And remember…if you’re feeling like an entrepreneur and have a noteworthy legal team at your disposal, you can put some of these scams to work for yourself.
