I have found the secret of true and lasting happiness.
– VLADIMIR LENIN
Hi guys, Josh here with an important message about your happiness.
Are you ready for ironclad rules for happiness? Rules that are as firm as an iron fist? Rules that brook no backtalk? If so, look no further than the wisdom of Russian revolutionary Vladimir Lenin.
Lenin knew what it was to come up against a maelstrom of stupid thinking, and through force–mostly force–and verbal persuasion, to turn the tide in favor of reasonable, rational, and reliable rules to regulate every area of life.
Lenin was a man of the people. As such, he understood the struggles that all of us face in our quest for happiness. The key difference between you and Lenin, however, was that Lenin knew where to find happiness, while you don’t.
“Do you know why you are not happy?” Lenin would ask many of those imprisoned in the gulags. “It is because you have failed to follow my rules. Had you followed them, would you not be at home right now, warming yourself before a beneficent fire, filled to the brim with happiness, rather than being beaten to death with a rubber hose?”
A fair question.
For this reason it only makes sense to look into the ideas of Vladimir Lenin so that we can learn from this venerable sage how to be happy forever.
With that, let’s dive right into Vladimir Lenin’s rules for happiness.
Rule 1: Out With the Old, In With The New
Those who are really convinced that they have made progress in science would not demand freedom for the new views to continue side by side with the old, but the substitution of the new views for the old.
– VLADIMIR LENIN
In a nutshell, out with the old ideas, and in with the new.
Lenin says that when a new and better idea comes along, those who promulgate such ideas, if they are really convinced they have the new and better idea, wouldn’t want the old ideas to have any room left to stand on. Cut those old ideas down.
Silence the fools who espouse these antiquated notions.
Rules for Happiness Tips for Getting Rid of the Old
Getting rid of old ideas is something like taking out the trash.
First, we must identify what is trash.
Trash is anyone who refuses to acknowledge the march of progress and wants their outmoded ideas to be treated with the same respect as the new and better ideas.
Please! As if there is room for lies. Those who espouse such tripe must be silenced.
Second, we must have a proper receptacle for that trash.
The best place for trash is the trash heap, and in this case the trash heap is prison.
In prison, the pieces of trash may huddle together and at last ramble on about their old ideas and why, despite evidence to the contrary, their ideas should still be listened to.
They can do no one any harm in prison. Cut off from society, they may feel free to live in the past.
But our democratic nation is not so easily convinced that those who disagree with TRUTH should be imprisoned. So then the second best thing is ostracism.
This might mean ignorning the person. Or maybe you forget to invite them to the office party, or the interracial orgy you’re planning in the Bahamas. Something like that.
Either way, when you cut out that person’s voice, it is as though they were in prison. You could go visit them, but that would be depressing.
Besides, you are too busy living in the NOW, in the REAL WORLD of progress, to be concerned with outmoded fools.
As Jimmy Buffett once sang, “I love the now.”
KEY TO HAPPINESS. The key to happiness here is getting rid of old ideas and replacing those ideas with new ideas. If you have new ideas and come across esomethinx someone who has old ideas, get rid of that person–metaphorically or literally–as quickly as possible. This will maximize your happiness and theirs. The trick is really believing that what you have is better. Even if it isn’t, your sincerity will overcome mountains of obstacles.
Rule 2: Say It Over and Over Again
A lie told often enough becomes the truth.
– VLADIMIR LENIN
If you want to be happy, you’re going to have to tell the truth.
A recent study performed by the Buford-Schuck research associate conglomerates of America discovered that truth creates happiness just four percent of the time it’s employed.
The other 96% of the time its effects are deleterious.
The fact is, if you want to be happy, you’ve gotta lie. And you’re gonna want people around you to lie to you. After all, why would you want someone to tell you what they really think of you?
One of the greatest challenges you’re going to face is convincing people that the lie you’re telling is the truth.
And why shouldn’t it be?
As Lenin knew, reality is what we make it. Either someone makes it for you, or you make it for them.
Sure, you could tell them that your lie is the truth. You could argue with them, browbeat, harangue, humiliate, mock, impose–but what of it?
At the end of the day, most people are probably going to disagree with you, if only because they like fighting and disagreeing with other people.
Instead, take the high road. Through repetition, wear them out so that they have no choice but to agree. If you don’t have your own gulag to beat them into submission, at least wear them down through verbal repetition.
Simply repeat the lie over and over again.
The value here is training through conditioning. By repeating the same thing over and over again, you are hypnotizing everyone around you so that they will believe the lie.
This technique works well when you have a ready-made platform from which to speak, such as if you are a manager in the workplace.
If you don’t have a ready-made platform, build one through conversations with others.
Simply repeat the same lie over and over to as many people as possible, and eventually the rumor will have gained so much momentum that sorting the situation out would be far messier than simply accepting the lie as the truth.
Rule 3: Turn Mountains Into Molehills
But every little difference may become a big one if it is insisted on.
– VLADIMIR LENIN
Between you and the other gal, the differences might be slight.
But if you are willing to INSIST upon those differences, and blow them all out of proportion, there is little you can’t accomplish.
Turn the little difference into a big difference.
Lenin understood the concept of overreaction. He was forever overreacting to small things that most people would pay no attention to.
For example, looking at him incorrectly, or saying the right thing but with the wrong tone, would be met with weeks or months of torture and finally execution.
“It is in overreaction,” Lenin once said at a private hanging of a man who pointed out a smudge on Lenin’s shoes, “that we find recourse to advancement. Pull the lever.”
Lenin also understood the importance of turning a little deal into a big deal.
This is a handy variation of overreaction. Lenin knew that you could build an empire on one little thing that didn’t matter to anybody.
“Make them care,” he would say, “about the petals dying too quickly on the pink flowers, while the white flowers remain aloft in the cool breeze, and you will have a revolution ready-made.”
KEYS TO HAPPINESS. First, learn the fine art of overreacting. Sure, some people might tell you not to sweat the small stuff, but life is full of plenty of small things that you can leverage into massive influence. Sweat the small stuff, and make others do the same. Second, capitalize on little differences. Sure, the difference might mean nothing, but you can make it mean something.
For example, Loretta is blonde, you are brunette. Does this matter? Probably not–at least, not demonstrably–and yet you can capitalize on this difference. Blow it out of proportion. Overreact. Turn this blonde molehill into a mountain. Show that blonde bimbo bitch who’s boss. In doing so, you can convince many people that, on the basis of the color of Loretta’s hair, she is unfit to be “head beverage cart girl.” After all, brunettes have more fun.
Rule 4: Employ Insults, Tirades, and Verbal Abuse
It is, of course, much easier to shout, abuse, and howl than to attempt to relate, to explain.
– VLADIMIR LENIN
What could be simpler than this? Lenin himself even admits that it’s easier to “shout, abuse, and howl”.
Why relate or explain yourself and your ideas?
You will change no opinions.
Take the path of least resistance, then. Stop letting others try your patience.
Attempting to relate to others is pointless when you can cow them into submission through verbal violence.
Sure, we all want somebody to relate to us and explain themselves.
But most of the time the other person wants to be coddled. They aren’t interested in changing their mind. They want your attention.
So don’t give it to them. Give them the verbal fist instead.
KEYS TO HAPPINESS: Insult others, run with a tirade, make verbally abusive comments whenever there appears to be the need for an argumen or discussion, or wherever there is disagreement or resistance to your opinion. Use whatever verbal heavy-handedness will get the job done. And always follow the path of least resistance.
The Last Gasp
No matter who you are, you can use Vladimir Lenin’s rules for happiness. When you use these rules, you will be just as happy and successful as Vladimir Lenin. Better yet, if you should happen to fall sway to a Communist regime in which absolute conformity is expected, take heart: you can sing the praises of the Party with an open and honest heart.
