guys, does your home smell like cat pee?
If you said, Yes, this post is for you.
Josh here from GHITU with important information about how to get rid of the cat pee smell in your house once and for all.
Today I live a happy and healthy life in a home that doesn’t smell like cat pee.
But a dozen years ago….
A dozen years ago, I had a BIG SMELLY problem
I had a house overrun with cats who were peeing everywhere.
No joke!
On the carpet, the furniture, the kitchen table, the bathroom, on my clothes, in the closets, on the sheets—sometimes even on the ceiling fan, while it was moving…
While I was sleeping below it!
Yuck!
How’s that for showers of affection?
Hey—you name it, they were peeing on it.
Sometimes I felt like they had taken over the house, and I was a guest…in my own house.
That’s when I started to panic.
My work began to suffer
At work, I had a nickname: Cat Pee Guy.
Everybody would see me coming at work and say, “Oh, there’s cat pee guy”—because, as much as I hate to admit it, I smelled like cat pee.
To make matters worse, I had inhaled so much cat pee smell that I couldn’t even smell it on myself!
To be honest, at the time I thought they were overreacting, until one day my supervisor called me into his office and told me that my “condition”, as he called it, was a “handicap”, and that he had quietly made a reasonable accommodation for me by moving me to a janitorial closet in the back hallway.
“And please, we can do everything through video calls with you. You won’t need to leave the closet.”
It got so bad that I was having to buy new clothes every day.
I spent a fortune on clothes I would wear once, then throw them out. I didn’t wash them because no matter how much I washed them or where I put them, the cats would find a way to pee on them.
My personal life began to suffer
but that wasn’t the end of my troubles.
Oh, no. My personal life also began to suffer.
Slowly, one by one, my eight girlfriends broke up with me, and always in the same way. Was it a coincidence? I’ll let you decide.
All eight of them broke up with me within minutes of me bringing them to my house for the first time.
The scene was always the same: walk into the house, the girlfriend got one or two steps in, flared her nostrils, a desperate look crossed her face, she suddenly would say that she was sorry, but she just remembered that her sick mother, who was dying of a rare tropical disease, was coming into town because she wanted to die close to her loved ones instead of all alone.
Therefore, she had to leave immediately.
Just how all of these women happened to have a sick mother who was dying of a rare tropical disease within days of each other, I’ll never know.
The lesson I learned is that while women in heat love cats, they hate cat pee.
It got so bad, I had a mental breakdown
With my work and personal life on the fringes of oblivion, I nearly had a mental breakdown.
All this came to a head one day when I was sobbing inconsolably in the stairwell at work. One of my female coworkers—God bless her—put on a respirator she happened to have in her desk drawer and came down to console me.
I left work that day more depressed than I ever had been in my life.
How could I have let my home smell like cat pee? More importantly, what was I going to do about it?
I loved my cats dearly, they were my family. We had spent so many glorious days and nights together.
So what did I do?
Let me ask you: if you were in my situation, what would you have done?
My one solution: make your home not smell like cat pee
The idea I lit upon was so ingenious that I just had to tell you about it.
In fact, the idea was so liberating and revolutionary that it changed my life and made me into a different man almost overnight….
It was so amazing…that I couldn’t keep it to myself and I have now embarked on a speaking tour across the United States to share my amazing discovery with everyone struggling with a home that smells like cat pee.
(And by the way, you can attend one of my two hour THIS HOME DOESN’T SMELL LIKE CAT PEE ANYMORE seminars for just $495!!!)
Here’s what happened.
First, I realized that I had to change my perspective.
As Whitney Wolfe Herd says,
Life is about perspective and how you look at something…ultimately, you have to zoom out.
I saw that I was locked in an epic battle of evolution, human versus beast, a battle of survival of the fittest.
I had set my telephoto camera lens on cat urine instead of FREEDOM.
Second, I took action.
It’s one thing to dream, another to do.
So I put an enormous bucket of catnip about 20 yards outside the back door.
Then I dribbled a trail of catnip leading to the bucket.
I told the cats, “Guys, look: if you follow this trail out to that bucket and look inside, you’re gonna see a miracle happen in your life.”
As the cats followed the trail and started begging me to let them out, I did just that.
Finally, I never…
Here it is…
My one final step to answering the “Home smell like cat pee” question in the negative.
The final thing I did was to never let the cats back in the house again.
And you know what?
Once I ripped out the carpet, got rid of the furniture, threw out my clothes, gutted and remodeled the house from top to bottom—and all with money that just happened to show up in my mailbox at just the right time—my home didn’t smell like cat pee anymore.
No, not at all.
Now, it smelled like survival of the fittest.
For a few weeks the cats hung out around the house.
Oh, how they begged and pleaded to be allowed back into the house they had wrecked!
I watched them return to their natural wild state again. Climbing trees, chasing mice, lounging around the yard, eating grass.
Two got hit by cars, but I reminded myself that pet ownership, just like life out in the jungle when you’re surrounded by venomous and rapacious animals, is always about survival of the fittest.
The cars were obviously more evolved and better fit for survival in the rough and tumble of the street world.
Sure, it was discouraging at first watching these cats, formerly some of my best friends, stand on the back porch caterwauling and singing all day, sometimes into the night, scratching the screen door and the flower pots, hissing, puking, and yes, peeing.
But eventually they got the picture: they weren’t coming back. They had been defeated. And they knew it.
I was more evolved, more fit to live in the house.
And the catnip bucket? A local homeless guy fought the cats for it the same day I put it out there. No joke.
It was a glorious battle, one for the evolutionary ages. Even though the cats bit and clawed him, he got the bucket and all the catnip away from the cats.
I saw him the next day. His pupils were constricted and he was spinning in circles. His hair was sprinkled with cat nip. He was also drooling.
He’d eaten all of the catnip, of course, and as necessity is the mother of invention, he turned the bucket into a toilet.
Way to go, guy. Keep it up.
So, friend, your home smells like cat pee and you don’t know what to do about it, follow my solution. You’ll be glad you did.
P.S. If you ever see a bucket lying around, think twice before grabbing it. You never know where it’s been.
